When He Had an Opening, He Ran Off
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. If you ask anybody, they'll tell you how in love we are and what a great couple we make. We've spent every night together for the past year and a half. We're best friends and lovers...
I moved to another state, for a job opportunity. But we decided together that I'd take the job because it was close to his family and he would follow me up there in a few months.
The distance destroyed us. My gut was telling me he was cheating. I went to visit him for the holidays and found all sorts of crazy e-mails from girls. Apparently after I moved he began meeting girls over the internet and then making plans to meet them in person. One message even described sexually things they did. When I confronted him, he told me I didn't know what I was talking about, called me psycho and got very defensive. He won't talk about it at all. So I packed my bags and left.
I feel like he's turning into a completely different person. He's 33 and just started wearing earings again, going to the gym and acting like he's 21.
How could someone go from being your best friend and lover to a stranger? We were looking to buy a house together, had our future set. Now it's over.
This sounds like a midlife crisis. There's another question recently on the site that is just like yours. The guy was in fact 33 years old, as I remember. The couple was happy, was planning on finally getting married and settling down and having kids. And the guy ran off and grabbed a new lover.
I know this is really hard to deal with - you were making sacrifices so that your future would be great, and here when he gets a chance to betray you he takes it and runs with it. It's not even like he just found "a new love". He started roaming the sleaze sites and grabbing the easy sex. He misses his teenager wild days and is trying to turn back into a teenager.
As much as it's hard to deal with, you should consider yourself lucky that this happened BEFORE you got married. What if you had been married and had kids and THEN he decided to turn into an immature jerk? That could have been far, far worse. At least the crisis point happened when you were still not married to him and getting yourself settled without him. Yes, it is sad that you moved to be near his family. I guess you could either stay there or switch jobs back to where you want to live (if that is elsewhere). The economy is getting to be great so this is a perfect time at least to find a new job.
So again, count yourself lucky that you discovered this now. Find a job you love, and celebrate being rid of him. Spend time with friends, and do things you love. Take care of yourself. I have lots of advice on getting over an ex -
Be good to yourself! And let yourself forget about him. It'll hurt, but in time it'll fade. And you'll find someone far better to build a life with.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com