Should I Return to the Jerk?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have this ex boyfriend....we went out for about 2 years of and on...he meant the world to me and he knew it...and he used that to cheat on me many times and sometimes never follow through with plans....because he knew all he had to do was say how sorry he was and that he loved me and i couldent break away from him.

he had complete control over me...he even use to yell and curse in public places if i was talking to another guy...he was very short tempered.

i finally got the courage to leave him and i met new guys...but nothing is lasting close to what we had...i have a hard time getting close to anyone else.

its been over a year since me and him were together and recently we started talking again...he was telling me how he changed and he couldn't believe how he treated me and i was the best thing in his life and it was all his fault he lost it

he wants to try again but i dont think i can stand to be hurt by him once more. but i also miss him and wanna be with him. im so tired of being alone. Advice
Wow, what he was doing to you was literally emotional abuse. I am very, very proud of you that you were able to get yourself free of him. Many women are never able to get free of that and end up being abused for their entire lives. Good for you.

Yes, you don't want to be alone. Few people do. But it is NEVER good to go back to a known abusive person just because it is better than being alone. Remember - you WERE with him and it was so bad that it was better to be alone than to be with him!! It's hard to remember now how bad it was, but believe me, being lonely is NOTHING compared to the pain of being abused.

If he wants to be in your life, he can be your FRIEND and prove to you that he is really a different person. He can treat you nicely, go places with you and be a friend. There is NO reason you should be his girlfriend considering what he did in the past. And if eventually you even wanted to consider it again it should only be after many months in which he proves that he really IS different and isn't just lying to you to get you back into his control.

Take it slow. See what he really is, really and truly. Go out to public places, flirt with other guys. Hang out with other male friends. If he starts to act up, get away from him, fast.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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