She Kept Cheating

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I've been messing with this one girl since about January of this year and we were still kicking it up until about 3 days ago. Through the months of being together she's done little things that made me very suspicious of her and her honesty, so just to protect myself i just always used to ask her if she was involved with anyone else or having other sexual partners and she told me she wasn't. And I used to stress the fact of if she was to ever do something of that nature to just be upfront with me and let me know.

Well around about November after still staying close and growing we just decied to make it officail and be a couple. Then just on new years night we had a little fall out and it was just bad. So we all planned on staying over one of her female friends house but she was pissed and left, and at this point i was just fed up with all the bullshit. So i was just talking with her friend 'cause we were also close so i was just asking for her advice. I wanted to know that if she thought we should just give up. Cause i love this girl so much and i didn't want anything like this to happen, but then her friend was just like she thought it was best that i leave her alone.

So all in all i found out that during the time that we were supposly growing she was still fooling around with alot of people. I mean like 5 people within a 6 month period. So it all got put in the open and instead of her telling me the truth she's just denying it. And her story is that all that happened when we wasn't really serious, but that's not true.

Now even if that was true i feel like she still could have gave me some kind of clue or just broke it off cause at times we didn't always use condoms cause i trusted her, and i feel in a way she betrayed me. She says that in her mind me and her wasn't really serious until August. So i guess since then she's only been with me. Even though i'm feeling so many crazy feeling do you think this relationship can still work cause i really do love her, and i know i'm hurting but it seems like she don't even care. What should i do. Advice
You are quite right - trust is THE most important thing you can possibly have in a relationship. She could have felt any way she wanted to - like you were serious, not serious, or any level in between. But she still had a responsibility not to *endanger* you. You were being completely up front with her and just asking for honesty. Instead, she was sleeping around, maybe picking up deadly sexual diseases. And then she was merrily passing them along TO you without even having the maturity to warn you.

In the end, if you can't trust her, you can't stay with her. It's one thing for her to be slimy in the past. But it's another thing to keep lying right to your face now that you know what she has done. If she has no remorse about lying in the past, she's going to keep doing it in the future. You can't trust your life - or the life of your children to come - in the hands of someone like that. It's time to find a new woman who is worthy of your respect.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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