My Old Love Betrayed Me

Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
The guy I used to date in high school, (20 years ago) recently came back into my life. We clicked right away. I was separated and he is divorced. We fell in love like a romance novel. We wanted to be together every moment. Everything was great, laughter, loving, and caring.

When his old girlfriend found out she never stopped hounding him. We were together 3 months. Nevertheless, he left me for her. Two months went by and he still called me and emailed me and told me how wrong he was and all the negative things about her.

Well, she threw him out, (this is how it is with them) and I gave him another chance because I love him so much. Well it was even better this time. I have never in all my 40 years and 2 husbands felt so much joy in love. He loved my kids and all his family who I've known for 30 years were thrilled we were back together. I cannot describe to you the pleasure we had together and sincere love and caring and sharing we had. We made plans to grow old together and he bought me a beautiful topaz and diamond ring.

Well I caught him at her house one evening and I told him it was over. I have never felt this low in my life. He took away all my dreams. If it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't care if I was here anymore. I cannot stop thinking about the bliss we shared. I try everything to keep my mind off of him but he still creeps back in. I work as much as I can and do things with the kids but I find no joy in anything. I want nothing to do with any man ever again. I can't trust. I feel I'm too old to ever give it another try with anyone. Can you help? Advice
It's often like a second childhood when a blast from the past comes into your life. You regain the fun and thrill of your teenage years, you have wild fun, you let yourself go with wild abandon. It's sort of like the midlife crisis situation, where you just get sick of the responsibilities of adulthood and want to relax and have fun for a while. Nothing wrong with that!

But this guy definitely doesn't sound like he was worth it. He was using you for fun and had this other girl on the side too, and wanted to keep you both at the same time. While it sucks that he was a jerk like that, it's just a sad fact of life that jerks do exist and that we all run into them on occasion. Give yourself time to get over him. Spend time and care on yourself. Heck, it sounds like you're not even in your 40s yet. Lots of people spend their 20s and 30s learning about love and don't really find their true love until they are in their 40s or 50s. It's hardly time to give up on it now!

I have lots of advice on getting over an ex here -

give yourself time and you'll find someone truly special that WILL be worth your love.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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