I'm Jealous about her Exs
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 9 months. We love each other dearly and she tells me she loves me at least 9 times a day and vice versa. However, I have a jealousy problem.
In the past, she has been in 7 year relationship, 4 year relationship, 3 year relationship and 2 year relationship. She is 30 years of age. she also had one night stand with one of her best friends. This was a year ago.
And when we met in the first month, this was in May 15th, we were very drunk and all the truth came out. As we were so drunk, she started writing a letter addressing her feelings towards this guy & she read it to me. The letter said that "my dearest love...." I met a new guy "me" and it was flowery words/emotions... etc and then that she was sayuing goodbye to him and welcoming me in her life.
After 7 months, she has written 2 emails to him. And what she wrote is beyond my knowledge and I do not ask her. She claims that she looks him in a different way. Like a friend. I am awfully hurt by the letter she wrote and I still think that she stills have those memories/feelings of her past relationships. She is an honest person from what I know, and she keeps on saying that her feelings for her past is unlike what we have now.
I am suffering from her feelings she feels towards her ex boyfriends/one night stands. Although, she tells me that the feeling is different than what we feel now, how do I know if it is a different feeling? I feel that she still feels for her past relationships.
I don't have much experience from my past relationships, as it didn't last for over a month.. any of them. Mainly because, I decided to stay single. I know even if she meets her past boyfriends, I can trust her that she will not have anything physically, but hugs/talks. But the jealousy is hunting me as I still believe she feels them in her heart.
Like one time, she contact her past boyfriends when there was an accident on her family etc. What/how must I feel in this case?
Every human has exs in their life, whether it's a crush from age 8 or something more serious. It's something you deal with. Are you going to be jealous of every thing she has ever loved, including her parents, her siblings, her pet dogs and cats? It is a GOOD thing that she had all those experiences, because they helped mold her into the person she is now, a person that you love.
In order to love someone you must love ALL of the person, their past and present, their good and bad sides. You must accept all that they are. You also must trust the person. You can't obsess over past exs or future cheating or anything in between. You have to love her for everything she is and trust that you are an important part of her world. If you keep questioning about her about how you compare to others, your insecurity is going to drive a wedge in the relationship.
I have information on fighting jealousy here -
it's time for you to work on that!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com