My Boyfriend Runs Hot and Cold With His Love!

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Person
My Boyfriend Runs Hot and Cold With His Love!

I've been dating the same guy for over nine months. We are both young, (I'm 16 and he's 18), and we've been through alot together. I waited for 10 weeks for him over the summer because he went through basic training for the Army National Guard. We had been boyfriend/girlfriend for only three months prior to his leaving, but he was an amazing boyfriend. He was affectionate, caring, loving, and came to see me almost every night. We spent basically all of our time together.

However, when he came back from Basic Training, he seemed the same for awhile, but things got slowly worse. He was kicked out of his mother's house in November because she couldn't support him, so now he's living with his two roomates. He's still in high school, so being on his own is especially difficult.

I realize that he's dealing with alot now, but he never calls me, and I have to beg him to come over to my house. He says my house is too far from his new apartment to drive everyday, which is true, it is about 20 minites, but it's getting rediculous! The only time I see him is in school, or when I go over there (which is hard, because I cannot drive and have to beg rides from friends), and he only invites me over when he wants to have sex, be romantic for all of 15 minites, and then get lost in his computer games and video games. I feel he's just using me sometimes, but other times he will spontaneously do something incredibly nice for me. He's like hot and cold water. It's back and forth all the time and I can't stand it.

I love him, and he tells me that he loves me. I don't think I'd have the courage to leave him after all we've shared, but I don't know how to make him change his ways. When I bring up things that he does that bother me, he always has a viable excuse like being exhausted from working all the time, and he says he just wants to relax. But shouldn't I be relaxing to him? I'm always kind, affectionate, and I wouldn't hesitate to make his life as easy as possible. What am I doing wrong? Or is it even me? What should I do about him? Advice

He is going through a lot. Give him some time and space. If all he wants to do when he sees you, tell him how that makes you feel. Be reassuring. Tell him you do care and that you need to feel cared for as well. Maybe you can work out a "date" nite. That way you both know when you will be seeing eachother and it can prepare for the commute.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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