I'm the jealous type but he doesn't talk

Visitor's Question from a unknown year old Person
I never thought of myself as being an extremely jealous person; though some of my boyfriends confronted me in the past. It didnít seem like it was a big issue before, but my current boyfriend gets mad at me when I get jealous. Even though I realize I am unreasonable sometimes, I still get very jealous and upset every time he does something else without me. I have tried to read several different articles about jealousy and how to ďcureĒ it and I think I am ready to work on it. However, my question is, what part does my boyfriend play while I am trying to learn to deal with my jealousy issue. During the last discussion we had about me being jealous (which, by the way, led to a big argument), he admitted he gets very angry every time I ask a question about. The problem is, he never expresses his feelings, and so I donít know how he feels about me overall. I also didnít know he was getting mad at me because I ask jealous questions, which would lead to him becoming snappy and sarcastic (before, I didnít know the reason, so I assumed it was because he wasnít interested in me anymore and had someone else). It is very hard for me to communicate with him about us. We talk about various subjects (usually though the ones that do not involve opinions, but rather the facts) but rarely (if at all) about us or how we feel about each other. Please, advice how my boyfriend can help me while I am going through this process.

RomanceClass.com Advice

It seems like you have two issuse... your jealousy and your boyfriend's inability to communicate.

The first thing you should do is just calmly let him know that you are aware of your problem with jealousy and apologize for making him upset. Let him know that you are working on it and ask his help. This will help open up a line of communication and will help him help you, thus helping you two to become more intimate. This will most likely allow him to open up to you. Don't rush it, but if talking calmly about the issue after a while (like asking "how am I doing?") and he's in an open mood, ask him what's on his mind or ask him how he feels about something small. This will get him to open up, but in an unthreatening way. Once he starts talking about small stuff, the bigger things will follow as he gets used to talking to you. Whatever you do, don't force it.

If you find that after a while (months, not days) that he is still not openning up, you should re-examine the relationship. Lack of communication kills relationship. No need to put yourself through unnecessary pain.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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