Being Untrue to Yourself
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
i first met this guy that was soon to become a veryvery close friend if you know what i mean, the first day of grade 10. He was new to the school and i was the most popular girl in our grade at the time. I immedately starting to like him, and him to me. We got along great and we started talking everyday at school, and after school for an hour or two even. But here comes the problem, i was still sort of dealing with this older guy that i'd have been seeing for almost two years then, he was a total dick but i still had feelings for him. So as i became closer to this new guy, i still couldn't fully go out with him because i still liked the bad older one. But the new guy and i still continued to talk and over the christmas break we started hanging out at nite alot more, and talking on the phone till 5 o'clock in the morning, and then finally we kissed. This went on for a few months, and then i met his friend who i fell in love with!i made out with him and the guy found out and wasn't too pleased. But luckly the guy i fell for was a dick too and didn't care that his friend was mad, so we continued to make out every once in awhile, while me and other guy talked all the time still, even kissed every once in awhile, because he still really liked me and i liked him too but i coulnd't see myself going out with him because i still talked to the older guy everyonce in awhile and he messed me up cause he always played around with my head. But as time went on the guy got tired of being pushed around and he stopped liking me, rite when i started to really like him to the point of wanting to go out. So after that, i spent the past 5 months flirting with him none stop, and trying to get him to like me again, but he was persistant because he thought i was still a tease and he didn't want to get hurt again. I tried to tell him straight up that i liked him, but i couldnt because i always resort to playing games, and just trying to flirt. So we went on like this with some few close times on the weekends, but he was the only guy that i wanted so i stayed with it. During all of this i found my soulmate best friend, we were the exact same, even looked alike, and had the exact same veiws. We always had the best times together, but she went to a different school so i would always bring her out with my friends on the weekends. So she started to like the same guy i have, and one nite they made out when i wasn't there. Then she started telling me that she really likes him and wants to go out with him? What the hell am i supposed to do? So i told her yeah yeah whatever go out with him if thats whats going to happen, i don't care! Which of course was a total lie, but i don't want to be the one responsilbe for them not going out if they really like eachother, which i didn't know? Anyways she asked me when we were all out together one nite, and immedately the night became extermly awkward and she noticed! So she started telling him things like "i didn't know shes completely in love with you" and stuff like that...how rude is that? She put me in the worst position and made me look like the biggest loser, but she still ended up fooling around with him that nite. So obviously..bad friend, things have changed with that relationship, but i still have feeling for this guy obviously because i have since the begining of grade 10 and it is now half way through grade 11. But the thing is, i know this guy like the back of my hand, and rite before this all happened another of my friends got really drunk and tried to makeout with him and he woulndt because he said to me "the last thing i want to do is get you and your friend into a fight". I know he feels sooooo bad about this, and he can't just let me hang like that so he's going to try to talk to me, and i don't know what to do. Rite now it feels as if i've lost two of the people that i held most important to me, cause they were my two best friends that i had special connections with. Obviously this girl is a bitch and just cares about herself, which is a big let down because we were the best of friends that bestfriends could ever be. We'll see what happens, i know her feelings aren't going to stand in my way though.
what should i do??how should i come about this?
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If you want this guy back and he isn't seeing anyone, tone down a little with the flirting and treat him with respect. Send him a greeting card and let him know he's still in your heart.
Finally, if you are pursuing this guy, make sure there are no others in your life to complicate things because it seems to me the reason why you gave your friend permission (and YOU did give her permission) was because of the complexities of the other guys in your life. She was considerate enough to ASK you, as well and she was probably shocked to find out you did have feelings.
Be true to yourself and keep things as simple as possible. The worst games people can play with people are the games they play with themselves.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com