Visitor's Question from a unknown year old Person
I am 23 years old and have been married for 3 years. I have been with my husband since I was 15 years old. During our relationship we have had a few breakups and I have dated different guys but always came back to my husband. During the course of our short marriage many life changing events have occured. I think it was during these times the problems between him and I began. I began to feel pushed aside and felt that I wasnt receiving the attention I deserved. Long story short over the course of the past 2 years I have had two major affairs. One ended because my partner moved out of state and the second one I am in currently. Why I am writing is because two nights ago my husband caught me at my lovers house. I feel as if I am in love with my new lover. He is like no one I have ever met before. He is 8 years older than myself. Before the second affair started I often talked with my girlfriends about how I had lost that loving feeling for my husband. I felt like I had fallen out of love. I discussed these feelings with my husband and we decided to work on our marriage and that we both would do some changing. In the mean time I continued having visits with my lover and talking to him on a daily basis. My husband and I have talked a lot the past few days about what the next step is in our marriage since he has caught me cheating (I had cheated while in HS on him). My husband has offered up a couple of scenarios: 1. I leave and never look back 2. I change my ways and stay with him because he is willing to give it another try but there may be a chance that he could change his mind and want to throw in the towel. I guess what my questions are for you folks are: 1. Can a cheater stop cheating? 2. Is it possible to find that loving feeling for someone after you have lost it? and 3. If I decide to stay with my husband how do I break it to my lover? I appreciate any help you can give! Advice

First off, a cheater can stop cheating. The important thing is that your husband wants to try again. Love and relationships change over time. I'm sure your parents and grandparents can tell you that. Changing isn't bad, it just means a readjustment.

I would suggest trying again with your husband in an open and honest way (marriage counseling, as cliched as it sounds, is probably your best option). Tell your lover that you want to try with your husband again and suggest that you take a 6 mos. break and that you will contact him to let him know how things are going. May not be the 'politically correct' thing to say, but the heart wants what it wants.

-- from Jenn
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