Getting Closer Without Sex

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for quite a while and have an amazing relationship. My boyfriend is 18 and I am 16 and we are both in highschool. My boyfriend and I talk on the phone every night when he gets home from work for over an hour, and when we talk it's never just fluff we talk about our relationship and ways to make it better and the great times we share together and things along the lines of that. We feel that we know everything about eachother, and we have everything in common and we have never really disagreed on anything. We connect on what feels to be every level, and we are always able to come to some sort of compromise when it comes to anything. Every night I always come up with questions to ask him so I can get to know him better and he does the same.

When him and I spend time together it is always a really great time. We spend a lot of time talking and just sitting together being close and we do some physical things like kissing and "exploring" with our hands and things like that. And the time just flies by when we are together. We have a great balance of everything and I don't think we have what is a "typical highschool relationship" I really feel him and I have something truely special.

But anyways my question is My boyfriend and I both have a feeling when we are together of a need to be closer, and we have talked about it and we talked about whether sex was a way to bring us closer but we decided that it's not something we want to do right now. Do you have any suggestions on a things we could ask (that is typically missed or overlooked in relationships) eachother to get to know eachother on a deeper level? I want to be able to get as close to him as possible and he feels the same, do you know of any ways him and I could become closer things we could do together? any suggestions on anything would be very much appreciated. Him and I both want our relationship to last..thank you. Advice
There really are a TON of things to do together that do not involve intercourse that are just as powerful a connection - maybe even more powerful. In fact intercourse itself really isn't that connective because you get lost in your own pleasure and aren't paying attention to the other person, it's a very selfish act in many ways. What really works best is if you choose an activity where one person focusses on giving and the other person focusses on what that person is doing.

So let's take for example a full body massage. That is one of the most intimate things you can do - to start at one end of a person's body and "worship" every inch of it. That shows that you love the entire person, not just the little bits that MTV says is important. You can truly get just as much pleasure from massaging someone's thighs, for example, as you could touching other parts - because it all comes down to the pleasure of someone you love caressing your body.

So one person does that to the other for say 2 hours, with candles and soft music. Then the next time, you switch roles.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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