Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i had a very serious boyfriend for 5 years who was wonderful to me, and trusted me, but i cheated on him several times. once i started cheating, i began to never trust him and always would accuse him of cheating, even though he wasn't.
eventually, he left me for it. that was 2 years ago and i have a new boyfrined now who i've been with for about 8 months. i thought me being so controlling and jealous with my ex was because i myself had cheated so i had a guilty conscience, but i find myself doing it with my new boyfriend. i already see it ruining our relationship and it drives me crazy, but i cant help the feeling and i cant ever hold these crazy thoughts in and he gets so mad.
i dont know what to do, but this has to stop before i lose him too. i understand where jealousy comes from, but it still doesnt take away the constant feeling. i dont know what else to do, i thought i would never let this happen again in another relationship, but its happening, and i feel i have no control. what should i do??
Jealousy is an incredibly powerful emotion. Just watch any Shakespeare play to see how it has destroyed relationships for thousands of years! So this is nothing new.
You need to make this your #1 priority because you're right, it can easily destroy even the most strong relationship. I have a how to here -
you need to focus on this. Jealousy is solely inside your brain. You have control of what you think about and can direct your emotions. So make the effort to accept he loves you and doesn't want to leave you. You have to train yourself to believe this, just as you train yourself to speak Spanish or learn any other skill.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com