I'm Jealous of my Husband's Past
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I'm 18 and have been happily married for almost 2 years. however my husband slept with alot of women before us and i am constantly obsessing over it. its not that im worried he would cheat on me because i know he never would its just that i always think of what they have done and it makes me sick.
he knows his past bothers me but not that i obsess over it. i try so hard to accept that it was before us but i cant let it go also im so jealous i dont even want him talking to another girl im afraid im going to ruin our marriage over this help me!
You say that you're not worried about your husband cheating - and then in the very next line you say you don't even want him talking to another girl. So it really seems like you ARE very worried. You worry that he had all these other experiences and will crave them.
But wouldn't you be MORE worried if he didn't have any other experiences - and he craved to get some variety in his life? Right now he HAS had lots of other girls and even though he had his pick, he chose you. If instead he was a quiet virgin that had never had ANY girls in his life, and he then married you, how would he know he was really happy? Wouldn't he want to maybe see what other girls were like?
In the end we all have our backgrounds and they are all different. If he lived in 10 different places would you be jealous that he'd lived in different areas and would want to move somewhere else because he wasn't happy where you were now. We all have visited different places in our youth. We've all learned different things and read different books. None of these are reasons to be jealous. The reason you're jealous is because you worry he's not happy with YOU and will find someone else. So it is about you and him, right now.
I have a whole how-to on jealousy -
work through it, talk to your parents, talk to your minister, talk to whoever you have in your life to work with. And make this a #1 priority to fix. Because either you fully and completely accept that he loves YOU and won't leave you, or you are going to worry that every single chance he gets, he will betray you. And your constant worry will pull the relationship apart.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com