I'm Cheating - What Do I Do?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
This is such a bizarre situation, but I've had a quasi relationship with this guy for almost a year now. I met him the first night of my spring semester last year, and we would hang out and hook up (nothing too serious- only kissing) like every weekend at his fraternity's parties.
I was always suspect of him though, I could never pinpoint exactly why, and I was (and am still) totally infatuated with him (I think because he is so shady and was never forthright with me).
At the end of my spring semester last year, I took him to my sorority's formal, and at the formal one of my sister's dates saw us making out, and told her that my date has had a girlfriend for two years- he started seeing her when she was an undergrad, she graduated, and continued on to law school at our university. He was able to get away with cheating on her because she was a first year law student and was always studying.
I realized that he was a piece of garbage, so I decided that it wouldn't be worth it to confront him, especially since I didn't actually know the nature of their relationship. Also, he's in my major, so I see him all the time and didn't want to make it awkward.
I continued to hook up with him for the remainder of the semester, and we kept in touch over the summer. We would talk for about an hour or so four nights a week, yet he would never ever let on about girlfriend. We continued to be very flirtatious this past semester, but I always kept my guard up- I really didn't want to give in to hooking up with him again.
Well... last weekend, I succumbed- Now I do't know what to do... he's graduating after this semester, and I'm going abroad- Should I confront him?? Should I tell her?? I have no clue how to proceed, but I think I need some type of closure- I mean this can't continue any longer, right??
I think your primary mission should be to tell the girlfriend. She may be planning to actually marry this guy and she should know that he has been fooling around and lying to her this entire time. Because if he has done that with you, he could easily do that with other girls if / when you decide to break up with him. And it's really unfair to this other girl. Not only emotionally - but what if the next girl he plays around with has some sort of a sexual disease, and he then gives it to his real girlfriend and she gets really ill? For her own health and life she deserves to know this guy cannot be trusted.
So find out who she is and tell her everything. She can take care of telling the guy. He deserves whatever he gets, for lying to you both for so long. Maybe he'll learn a valuable lesson here ... but if nothing else, at least the other girl will know the truth and be able to rescue herself from a potential disaster.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com