My Girlfriend Can't Commit
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girl friend broke up with me four days ago. We had taken a break for about 2 weeks and gotten back together for a week. I know shes been having a hard time latly and has lots of deep personal problems. Its the 10th aniversery of her mothers death and she has relapsed with her eating disorder becoming isolated from her family and friends.
I tried to get her to talk about what is bothering her and she never wants to discuss it. She is always saying she is stressed but never giving a reason why. She tells me we have to talk and says it isnt working us going out. She tells me that she still wants to be friends and cares about me a lot. I do most of the talking in the conversation and try to get anything out of her and she is silent for the most part.
I told her that i am very hurt and she said she never wants to hurt me. I told her that in order to continue to be friends im going to need some time, but she has been trying to talk to me the past 2 days. The strangest think about the whole ordeal is I ran into her one friend and she told me that my ex has no real idea why she broke up with me. I know she has commitment issues and we were getting very very close when she pulled a complete 180 last month. She never really wants to talk about her emotions and feelings ive tried to get her to talk to me about what went wrong and she won't.
Is she afraid about what she might say or just confused about her own emotions? The last few days after we broke up she has been im'ing me everyday. Although I havent been responding, Im trying to figure out the best way to find out her intentions. Ive talked to a few girls i know and they were saying that when she told me she wanted to be friends she was saying she wanted to be with me but has too many personal issues she needs to resolve at the moment. What do you think is my best option, i would like to get back with her but dont want to strung along till she finds something better, which is what im afraid might happen.
I don't think you can read too much deliberate action into her confusion right now. You've already said she's under huge stress, feeling depressed, having medical issues and is unable to talk about it.
For just about all of those reasons, I would go into a therapist with her. Go with her, be there for her, but get her some help. She really sounds like she needs some assistance getting through her issues and if she isn't willing to talk to you, maybe she would talk to a third party.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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