I Like Him, He Likes Someone Else
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
There is this guy i met in school and we used to work together at the same palce and we still go to the same college together.
It was this fine day at work that i was in the break room and was making a call then he happened to be sitting by the side. That was my first time seeing him, i needed a pen to write something and he offerd one since i didnt have any. After like two days, we met etc, later on he started giving me a ride...home. I had a crush on him since i met him the first day i laid eyes on him. So , it happened that i was scared to ask him out..this particular day in sch, he came over at where i was sitting by my computer, and asked me if i had a ride, and i was likeno..and he offered to wait and take me home.
Alll those times he took me home from work or sch, he had been giving a buddy of myne we come from the same counrty with. I never knew the other gal like him too..
So with time, she got mad at atime..
Nwai enough..so this particular day when we was taking me home, he asked me if i wanted to go chill at his palce and i was like no, it would be a good idea if we went out to eat. We went for lunch and later on i went to see his place. He is white and I am Black.
So nothing happened that particular day.
Later on he asked me out..i was in sch rushing for my theology class when he asked me out. I was so excited..
We dated for sometime..he also quit working at my work place becoz pple talked bout him and i so much..so
We became close so much then there is this particular day that he told me that he plans to get married after graduating and he sees he is gonna be getting married to a white with brown hair...and that he has been looking at this gal in my colle though the gall has a guy , he still liked her.
so that really hurt me, he then told me that he aint a realtionship guy and he was trying to be a good boy. Saying that it had been hard for him since he had been in military.
We stayed together for sometime.. Basically during our relationship, we had sex too.
He really loved and i believe this till now. We broke up later but be made a deal to be friends best of friends. So this particular day, he came over to my house and we challed then when he was leaving, i was in pain,he is single till now but the question is: we made a deal to be friends..and kinda..have a sexual relationship with no strings attached.
This is killing me since i still have feeligns for him and at times i think he has another sexual partner or soemthing like that.
I havent told him i have feelings till now since i know he might not wonna see me no more.
We still share so much together..other than sex..we're tight friends..He would tell me bout the other gal. I have met the gal( this particular day he took me shopping at the mall after spending the night at his place, then as soon as we got out the car, the other gal was all alone heading for shopping too. she said hi and left. So i guess she kinda got mad or upset or jealous.
i hate it when he talks bout trying to get to her, and i would be like she got a boyfriend try someone else. I really love him so much. I see him most times in sch and my heart would skip.
What am i supposed to do? Should i let him know about it or what should i do?
This guy is definitely using you while scoping out other girls he "really wants to be with". You are right there in front of him, ready and willing. He COULD be with you if he wanted to be. He's had ample opportunity. He even dated you. He has made it clear that he has no desire to be in a long term relationship with you. He's actively looking for someone else to be with and is using you in the meantime.
I would sit down with him and have an honest conversation. Ask him what it is about your relationship that he feels would NOT make a good long term monogamous relationship. Make him lay it out. He has strung you along for far too long here to just let it ride. You deserve to know his reasons. Then you can decide if they are things you can work on - or if you're ready to move on and find someone else to really date and be with.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com