I Want Her Back like Before
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
i have an ex-fiance that i am still in love with. we broke up about 8 months ago and i still love her. i dont know if she has another boyfriend, but this thanksgiving we started back talking and we met up but we were not how we used to be.
How can i get her back? please give me some advice on that.
The MOST important thing you can possibly realize in any relationship is that NOBODY ever goes back to how they were before. Would you want your girlfriend to act the way she did when she was 3 years old? We all grow and learn, mature and change and expand our goals. You should NEVER want someone to be "the way they used to be". You should always want to grow with someone, become better with them. You should want to become a new, happy couple together.
In fact since you guys broke up the last time, you should NOT want things to be like they used to be! Because obviously they were not healthy. You might have overlooked the issues that existed, and that led to the destruction of the relationship.
It is critical to be great friends in any relationship, to talk about anything. So sit down and talk HONESTLY about your relationship and what went wrong. Explain to her that you know what the issues were and see how why they caused the problems. That you have real solutions and are willing to work on them together.
Either you both face up to the issues you had before, and discuss ways to jointly overcome them, or she won't trust you to try again - and a try would fail because those same issues would appear all over again. Show her you love the new, improved person she has become, that you have given a lot of thought to the problems the relationship had, and feel you're now ready to give it your full 100% effort.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com