He Wanted Constant Excitement
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Five months ago my boyfriend of four years & I broke up. I wanted to know where our future was headed & he felt "unsure." Since then he claims that it "wasn't meant to be" & that he felt too comfortable with me. Our Friday nights consisted of him falling asleep at 10 & he thinks that meant that he was bored.
I have tried telling him that this is a normal part of real, stable love. I have since seen a counselor & realize that he seems scared of emotional, longterm intimacy. I have a hard time believing that we weren't meant to be based on the fact that we had four great year together, had very little strife & were the best of friends.
Is there anything I can do? We havent spoken since the break up other than running into each other & my questioning what happened. I don't know if he just needs time to see that we had a loving, fulfilling relationship or if it is hopeless. Thanks.
Too comfortable?? That's what most couples DREAM about! You should be best friends, truest confidants, people who are totally comfortable with each other. It sounds like he was lusting after the MTV spark of brand new relationships. Maybe in fact he started to FEEL that spark with someone else, felt that what he had with you was "boring" in comparison and that caused the rift.
Of course the irony is that what he would want with a new girl was to stay together for a long time and get to know each other - which is what he had already achieved with you! But that is something that he is going to have to learn for himself - it's not something you can really tell him.
If he didn't learn after 4 years what is valuable in life, I wouldn't hold my breath to wait for him to come to his senses now. I would give yourself time to get over him, and realize that you learned a lot from your time with him but that it just wasn't meant to be. Now you know what to look for in the next guy - someone that you are happy and comfortable with, and someone who APPRECIATES that and values just how important it is. I'm sure you'll find him!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com