My Boyfriend Went Out Dancing

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend called and said he was going to hang with the guys and have some beers before I pick him up to come and spend the night with me. I encourage him to go and have fun, since lately we've been spending a lot of time together just the 2 of us.

He called me later on and said they were going to a dancing club were most of the time you go there to dance and drink. I got a little concern since I know all his guy friends are single and they were going there to hook up with girls. I didn't want to tell him not to go. When I picked him up, the first thing he said was "I want you to know that I danced with a couple of girls, nothing special, is just that all the guys were dancing and I did not want to be all alone just standing there".

The last thing I wanted to do is get all upset about it even though it bother me and hurt me that he would do something like that having a girlfriend that was waiting for him to bring him home. I want to know if I should be upset or how to react to this? Advice
It's very good that you encouraged him to have fun with his friends. You're very right, that as much fun as it is to be a couple, people need to have their other friends too and have fun on their own. It helps them be a more rounded person.

Him hanging out and having beer with his friends is fine. Going out to a bar with them is fine. But really, he has a girlfriend already. To go out dancing with other women, especially given some of the dancing styles that exist nowadays, is a bit much. Many girls who go out dancing are looking for a boyfriend. So in a way he was leading them on, that he might be available for them. And what if he did find a really sexy girl that was all over him? What if temptation was right there in his arms dancing with him and she slipped her phone number into his pocket? Would he really never call it?

The point of being in a relationship is to focus on each other. You don't go putting yourself deliberately into situations that could damage that. It's not that he would MEAN to cheat. But if he deliberately starts hanging out with sexy women, dancing with them, talking to them all night, and they start giving him phone numbers, at what point is he going to say no?

His friends are single. They are going to do things that involve getting single women interested in them. He can go along with things they do that are NOT in that area. But if they all go to a drunken mud-wrestling game with naked women, is he going to go along because "my friends did"? You were waiting to get him. If his choice was to be with you or dance with other women, he should have picked up that phone.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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