I Want to Date My Friend
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I need help! I'm in love with my best friend. We been knowing each other for almost 2 years. I see her like my girl not like my friend. She just wants a friendship but i lost that for her. I want her more than friend. She said she tried to give me a chance like me being her man, but she says she can't do it. I'm confused because she is done things with me that she has never done with other guys. To the point of losing her virginity with me I really love her and i'm not obsesed with her, even though she thinks i am.
I don't want to lose her, I feel she is getting tired of me telling her that is better to be a couple than to be friends. She says I don't think about her happiness, But what about my happiness? I know is not going to be the same, me being her friend again, If I still feel love for her inside.
She puts me down sometimes, but i feel she does or she can feel something for me later on. I dont think that all those beautiful times that we spent together can go to the trash that easily. I cry for her, she has seen how I suffer sometimes, but she just wants a friendship. What can I do? Should I give her time? Probably later she will realize what kind of man she has here. HELP!!!!!!!!!
One of THE most important thing to learn about relationships is that they should NEVER, EVER be about one person pushing the other into doing things they don't want to. It should be about two people VOLUNTARILY choosing to do things together. It doesn't matter if we're talking about sex, about moving in together, about marriage or any other step. The second you introduce pressure or guilt as a motivating factor, you are destroying the relationship.
Why does love mean you have to own her? Love is about fully supporting a person to be as happy as possible. Love does not mean chaining someone down and saying "I force you to stay here where I command you to be happy." That is obsession, not love.
She said she DID try treating you as a boyfriend and it failed. Instead of trying to force her into accepting you - why haven't you sat down and talked seriously with her about what she felt failed? Obviously something bothered her enough to say it wasn't going to work. You deserve to know what this is. And you need to LISTEN to what she tells you. Don't disagree, don't fight. If she is going to be mature enough to talk to you about this you have to be mature enough to hear the truth.
I have advice here on how to talk about a serious relationship issue -
have the talk, GET her to talk and then just listen. And then thank her for being so honest and go home and THINK about what she said. Don't just deny it or say it's meaningless. It was important enough to her to not work on the relationship. So it is therefore important enough for YOU to take seriously and to put serious effort into.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com