Mixed Religions and Marriage

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am dealing with something very difficult. My boyrfriend and i have been talkin about getting married. The only problem that we have is religion. He is chuch of christ and i am baptist. I have to make my mind up on going with him to his church. He is not going nowhere but where he wants to. So i have to decide something.

I feel that i shouldnt change for him, but i love him with all my heart and want to make this work. Even if i dont believe what he does.

Is there any advice that u could give me about this whole situation.

RomanceClass.com Advice
Religion is one of the most important decisions someone can make. it involves the way you live your entire life and the way your soul is treated when you die. It involves how you raise your children.

If this was just a disagreement about "I like cities, you like country living" you could compromise. You could do things one way for a time and another way for a time. Or one of you could live in the city even though you didn't like it and just "do your best".

But we're talking about something you can't fake and you can't do halfway. Religion is about doing it right or about going to hell. You don't want your kids to go to hell either.

There's a saying from Fiddler on the Roof. "A fish can love a bird. But where would they build their nest together"? The father in that scene is in fact telling this to his Jewish daughter who wants to marry a Catholic boy.

In your case at least you are both Christian. You both believe in Christ, and in God, in the Bible and so on. So maybe the differences there aren't really that big. You need to really sit down and look at his religion, look at how zealous he is about it and decide if you can do that for your ENTIRE life and support your kids doing it too.

If he's really not that religious, it might not be bad. You could still believe your baptist faith but go with him to church and support him publicly. You might even come to value his faith after a while. But if he's really zealous, and if you really have issues with some of the teachings, it's better to let him go. Loving someone means letting them be somewhere they are most happy. If he is really that zealous he would be happiest with someone equally zealous who believed in his faith. He would end up miserable with someone who he felt was always against him. It might be better to love him as a best friend who you support from a distance, rather than have him end up hating you for being a "partner who is unfaithful to my religion".

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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