How To Flirt

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I've been working at my job for about 7 months now. After learning who everyone was and getting to know people a little better, I've really been concentrating on one of the female managers. She's not a typical narrow-fisted manager that you may think she would be. She's going to college and working towards a better career and life and she's got a very positive attitude.

I like her a lot, and I think she likes me, as well, because she comes by on off days when I work, for no particular reason, and tries to get me to talk. I forgot to mention that some people have probably said more words in one day than I have in my entire life. I'm extremely shy, but I listen to almost everything people say-especially what she says.

I don't know how to come out and ask her and it's starting to criple me emotionally. I have her cell number, but I haven't ever called it, because I got it from someone else.

It's really hard for me to talk to people. I was thinking about taking some kind of medication for it, but I don't know if there is any medication. I'm currently taking two pills a day that will maybe help improve my self-confidence.

I haven't ever had a girlfriend in my life and I'm 17 now and I feel it's time to get involved with the opposite sex; not necessarilly sexually, but emotionally.

I learned the other day there's a rule against employee-manager relationships. That was a shock to me, but it didn't affect how I feel and I would find another job, if I had to, just to be with her. I don't think that rule would be enforced with us, though.

I'm not a typical guy who says the right things. I sometimes think I'm a little slow, because I mis-comprehend what people say sometimes, and sometimes I don't even know what they're talking about. I also don't have any know-how on making anyone feel good, because I've never done it before. I'm not real confident, because I'm not like everyone, funny, talkative, etc.
I need someone to help me out as much as possible and as soon as possible. I know she's not going to wait forever on me, and I don't want to wait forever on another girl like her. Not too many young people, nowadays, are mature and settled down like she is. Advice
Many people don't start dating until they are 17 or older - don't believe all that hype you see on MTV! And many people are shy. It's a normal part of growing up. So don't think of yourself as strange. You are quite normal.

You're thinking of dating as a huge leap that you go from just casual chatting to canoing down a romantic lake with her. That's not how it works. Dating is about spending time with a great friend that you are also romantic with. Usually before you date you have already built up that friendship and done things together as friends.

I have advice on how to ask someone out here -

but the key is you take it slow. She already actively seeks you out to spend time with you. So she LIKES to spend time with you. Listen to the movies she talks about and wait until she mentions one that is currently out. Then say you really wanted to see that too and ask if she'd go with you just as friends. No stress, no "dating trauma". Just a friend going with a friend to a movie. Friends do that ALL the time and coworkers especially always go to movies together.

Once you do it once, it'll be normal to do it again after that, and maybe grab dinner after the movie, and you'll grow from there!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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