Finding a Husband

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have started my job search now after just graduating. I am 31 and want to start a serious relationship and marry. The only way I can meet smart guys in my country is at work. I just try to call an organization and they give me time to meet them in their office to have a look at my CV. This way I get to meet.

However, it always end up there. Up till now all the guys I met are friendly and promise to be of help in my job search. One guy who has his own company even called a friend of him and e -mailed him my CV and spoken very nice of me and wrote to me to inform me what he did and asked me to tell him if he can be of further assistance.

My question is, how will I know if the guy is married or not. I, of course can call him and tell him how things are going with me, but how should I take things from there and more important how or what should I ask him to know if he is not married and try my chance with him. I don't want to waste my time, I want to start dating a smart guy and get married. Advice
It's nice to have a goal in life, but marriage isn't a quick-fix thing. It's not something you can rush. If you rush into a marriage you can easily end up with someone who seemed great in the first few weeks but who is completely wrong for you and who you despise after a few months. Do you really want to be married to a smart bigot who harasses you, your friends and family for the rest of your entire life? One who beats your kids because he feels violent spanking is proper? There's no way to EVER know what someone is like just after a few meetings. Knowing someone takes months and months.

The most important thing to have in a marriage is a best friend. So instead of scouting out "My Future Husband", get involved in local clubs. Whatever your hobby is - be it gardening, soccer, classic movies, etc. - that is the type of husband you want to find. Remember, there are MILLIONS of smart guys out there. You can't just grab the nearest one and say "you are my husband"! Smart guys are also PICKY and aren't just going to say "OK" because you asked him. They want a woman that actually likes the things they like, has the same hobbies, the same tastes in music, the same types of interests. They don't want just "any woman" - and they especially don't want a woman who is only after THEM to use them as a safety net. Which is what it sounds like, that you are pursuing a man just to bring home the bacon and provide you with children. You don't seem to care WHAT the guy is like at all.

So sit back and give this some serious thought. You're talking about the entire rest of your life. You can be MISERABLE for the entire rest of your life. What you need to find is a BEST FRIEND - one you will be happy with, one you can love, one you will be proud to raise a family with. That involves finding someone who shares your hopes, dreams, interests and passions. You don't find that with a resume. You find that by actually DOING things you love and meeting people who love those same things.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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