Dealing with an Office Crush

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have a long-standing 4 year crush/infatuation on a co-worker. He's aware of this and it's common knowledge at the office. I wanted a real relationship but he's not interested in dealing with me outside of work. It used to be manageable but recently I've made a fool out of myself and now I want to stop dwelling on him. I'm mad at my brain for thinking about him constantly and mad at myself for being so weak and susceptible to his charm and appeal. This whole thing really rips me up. I can't quit or be reassigned. Is there any strategy I can use that takes into account that I have to see him everyday and yet change the way I feel? Advice
I've been in that exact same situation!! It's really hard to control yourself sometimes because you have all the normal office flirtation, and you really do like him so it sort of slips a bit out of control.

Don't be upset that you like him. There's enough disliking in the world going on - relish the fact that you found someone that you really do get along with. And yes, accept that he doesn't feel the same way. But think of the valuable information you've gained! You now know what sort of guy is great for you, something that many women take years and years to figure out. Now you just have to find another guy like him that is available.

Focus on that, join up with local dating services and so on, and look for a similar guy. I bet if you are spending your time having fun looking for his 'twin brother' out there, and admiring their photos and skills, that you'll start to look at him as the 'basic model' that was fun, but that led you to find the 'perfect model' that really does fit your needs.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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