I Want Him - He Doesn't Want Me
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I knew this guy for 5 months. I can't say that our relationship was perfect. At first everything was great! But then (as we are from two different cultures) cultural differences started to come up and I didn't know how to deal with them. I eneded up breaking up after a month and a half. For the next two months we didn't even talk.
After that I've seen him online and he asked me if we could get back together, and I thought I would try it. Only now I was more prepared for all the cultural stuff. And starting then I had explanations for what was happenening, so we had no more fights. First 2-3 weeks of us getting back together was just great! I've seen him almost ever day.
The next 2 weeks I saw him only 2 times vs usual 5 or 6. He said he had work and school. I thought it was a little strange. So I asked him one day if everything was ok, and he just simply said: things change. The next day I asked him the same question. Then he started asking me questions, like if I see us staying together and if I want to be with him. I had no answers, because I didn't think about it. And he told me that he found another girl 2 weeks ago and already dates her for a week. From then on he wants to stay friends with me.
Before I broke up with him, he used to love me (at least that's what he told me) and he did act like it. But now I love him, and I guess he doesn't love me anymore. He said we are too different... I want this guy back. I am all upset and don't know what to do now. Please help.
A relationship takes a solid commitment from both people to make things work, and a full willingness to talk about issues. It sounds like you guys had some serious issues in those regards. You dated and hit cultural issues - that's very common in just about any relationship. But instead of talking about them and working on them, you gave up and broke up. Then you tried again and had issues again - but instead of talking about them he just said "sorry see ya". And it turns out he was already cheating on you with someone else and hadn't bothered to let you know.
It really doesn't sound like he had love or respect for you. Love is an emotion that builds up over several months and involves fully accepting the other person for what they are and sharing yourself with that person. He never fully accepted you - he always had issues with you. He never talked to you about it. He just tried and then discarded you and moved on to someone else.
I would really give yourself time to get over this guy. I have advice on easing the pain here -
after a few months, you'll find a new guy who is MUCH better for you and you will be much, much happier with your world.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com