Getting back with a Cheating Girlfriend

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm having a problem that is effecting my love life in a very annoying way. I met an 18 year old girl who I went out with, I was 22 at the time and she was my first true love, I would say I lost my virginity to her. I cared for this girl with all my heart and would do anything for her. When she told me that she cheated on me, it brought my world to a halting crash. I was so heart broken and depressed I was thinking of suicide. I ended the relationship and tried to deal the problem by ignoring her existence.

Well, while I was living my life, she called me a year later trying to work things out. I found out she had another boyfriend after our incident, not the guy that she cheated on me with, but with someone new. Her new relationship ended and she wanted to work things out with me. I took her back, she said she didn't sleep with the guy she cheated on me with and that they only made out. She also said that she was drunk and that she made a really big mistake. Now, I'm 25 and she is 21, we have been going out for almost 2 years now without any trouble. But, in the back of my head, I keep thinking that she did sleep with the guy she cheated on me with and the fact that she got another boyfriend, while I was taking the year to forget about the past and heal my wounds, is plain annoying. I have moments where I trust her with all my heart again, and moments when I keep having doubts about us. I even have trouble buying her expensive gifts, cause I just think she is not worth it. PLEASE HELP, I WANT TO KNOW IF SHE IS THE ONE? Advice
OK, you've been dating this girl for TWO YEARS and you still don't trust her? Dating someone is all about trust, honesty, and love. Those things don't include constantly worrying about betrayals. There's no way she can or cannot prove or disprove anything now - time machines don't exist. She has told you her side. And really, this was over three years ago when she was barely out of high school. You have to allow that whatever she was at the time, she's matured quite a bit since then.

So you need to just wash this all clean. She has been your partner for two years. She has stayed with you all that time through all sorts of issues. You have to decide if you're going to have a real relationship or if this is just some casual fling. A real relationship means you are open and honest, you trust each other, you rely on each other. It's only inside your brain that this lack of trust exists, and only inside there can you remove it.

Sit down with her and discuss it, and then let it go. Renew your vows to each other. Pledge your love to each other. However you do it, release the past and don't let it keep harming your current relationship. There are enough things in life that need to be addressed without carrying around ancient baggage that should long since have been dealt with.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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