He's a Serial Cheater

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been dating a guy for about 3.5 years. The past year has been difficult for our relationship because I have been in graduate school. I have always had suspicions that he has been cheating, and last November (2002), I saw him driving a woman from his house as if they were on a date. When I questioned him about it, he said that it was one of his cousin's friends. I never forgot it, and kept it in the back of my mind.

He had a stroke in August, and has been confined at the hospital since. One day when I went to visit him, the woman was there, and told me that she and my boyfriend had been dating for about a year. We "compared notes" and I found out that her stories were true. For instance, the night before the stroke, she said that he took her to the mountains. He told me that he was going to visit his daughter. When I talked to his daughter, she said she hadn't seen him. Also, one of his sisters-in-law told me that this woman was getting in fights with other women who were suddenly showing up out of the woodwork. And, since his family didn't know about this woman, she and they are fighting.

Since that point, I have pulled back considerably. I was ready to quit school to care for him. How ironic that it took an illness to reveal his betrayal. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, because his condition is truly serious. However, I know that when he does fully recover, his cheating won't change. Also, I know that he is not alone; it seems that he has a lot of women. From your experience, does this seem a wise course?

RomanceClass.com Advice
Wow, in many ways it is VERY lucky he had this stroke now, and you were able to find out about it before you got even more serious about it. It's especially good you found out before you quit school!!

Yes, he has a serious problem right now. But HE got himself into the emotional mess and he should live with the results. He hurt MANY women by pleasing his own selfish needs, betraying and lying to you all. If his family will still have him after all he's done, they can take care of him. But you deserve a guy who is honest and trustworthy, and it is NOT HIM. Do not let him suck you back into his web of lies and deceits. Give yourself time to get over him, and find yourself a real life partner that is worthy of your affection.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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