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Love goes toward love as schoolboys from their books, But love from love, toward school with heavy looks. --Shakespeare

After 7 Years - Is It Love?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi, i've been dating a guy for 7 years but i'm not sure if i love him. People keep on telling me that i could do better and should not stay with him. I recently broke things off with him but i'm not sure if i did the right thing. I miss him and don't know what to do. thanks

RomanceClass.com Advice
All relationships go through ups and downs. The key to a good relationship is that you are best friends - that you can talk, respect and care for each other. Couples who are in their 80s don't care much for head-over-heels passion or getting flowers every day. They care about someone who stays WITH them through thick and thin, who understands them even when they're grumpy. Life is NOT a bed of roses. It's not always great. There are chores to do and money to earn. But a great partner is someone you can rely on.

So you should NOT go based on what friends think is right for you. You should go based on what YOU think is right for you. You can ALWAYS "do better"! Heck there is ALWAYS some guy out there who is richer or more handsome or stronger or whatever it is you want to judge by. Does that mean you'll abandon your guy every time you meet a new one, or that you want your guy to abandon YOU every time HE meets someone new? Part of what makes a relationship important and last is that you value each other for being UNIQUE, not for being "The Best" at something.

So it comes down to you being happy and being treated as a best friend. Did he listen to you, talk with you, share his hopes and dreams and ask you about yours? Did he support you in what you wanted to do, and work with you to be happy together? Did he treat you with respect? If he did those things, then that is the most important thing to ask for in any relationship. If he did NOT do those things - if he treated you poorly - then that is NOT healthy and it would be better if you found someone who did.

But in any case, after 7 years I would really talk with a couples therapist before you go jumping in any direction. You owe himself and yourself that. Even if it's just for a few weeks, talk about what bothered you, what was wrong, and how you tried to fix it. If you didn't even give him the courtesy of telling him what was wrong and working with him to fix it, then YOU didn't do your part in the relationship of working on problems. So you need to at least give that your best try before you call it quits.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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