We're Best Friends, I Want to Date
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I've never dated a guy, but I think this guy might be "the one." When I first met him, it was love at first sight. Now we are best friends. Last year, I told him through a note, that I liked him. His note said that he didnt want to risk the friendship, and that he had no money to take me anywhere. I was pretty sad, but I still love him with all my heart.
I really want to be more than friends, and I think that we would make the perfect couple. I believe that our friendship would be pretty safe even if it didn't work out because we are really good friends.
What should I do?
You triggered some of my pet peeves here, so be warned :) There IS NO LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. To say you can feel love for someone without even knowing about them is minimizing what love IS. Love is about knowing someone fully, inside and out, after many months, and accepting ALL they are in life. ALL you can know about someone on first sight is what they LOOK like and it is REALLY REALLY shallow to base a love on looks. So you had LUST on him on first sight. Maybe you had a CRUSH but you did not have LOVE.
Next, you say you are best friends with him, but you used a note to say something important to him?? Being best friends is about being totally honest and being able to talk seriously about important things. If you can't even tell him to his face that you like him - which is one of the most basic of emotions - that is not a good sign at all!! How about when the REALLY serious things come up - are you going to pass notes about those too? You really have to work on being able to TALK to him about serious issues. The whole reason most relationships fall apart is because the people can't talk about difficult things. You guys have already proven you can't talk about basic things, so you have to fix that if you are going to have any chance of this working.
Plus, he is somehow equating dating with money? Are you a harlot that he has to pay for??? And why does HE having money make a difference? Again, is he the "powerful guy" that has to pay for everything for the "paid-for kept woman"?? That he thinks of you in that manner is sort of icky. A relationship is about two best friends who are happy spending time together. It should NEVER be about someone "buying the time" of the other. Money should NOT be something you guys even think about as being involved in your dating.
So SIT DOWN WITH HIM and have a serious talk, face to face. If you really want this to work, you have to learn to talk.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com