I'm Obsessed with my Ex
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I went out with this guy about a year and a half ago for about 4 months. We were best friends before. Then we didnt talk for a while, and now we're really close again. He tells me everything, we hang out all the time, we enjoy eachothers company, and so on. He's got a girlfriend, who I also get along with.
All that isn't the problem. The problem is that I'm desperately in love with him. People say I'm a fool, and that I'm far too young to know what love is, but I do know. Everytime I see him, I just want to smile. I would do anything for him, and have done many things for him when he has needed help. I love him enough to want him to be happy, even if it's not with me.
But I KNOW that there is chemistry between us. Every time I look into his eyes there is a chemistry there that just cannot be ignored or pushed aside. And when I see him smile, well, it just makes my day. I hang on every word he says; every part of him is just perfect to me. Even his flaws are great.
I love him to death and I don't know what I would do without him in my life. But all this while, when I'm wanting things for him, I am left feeling empty and alone. He's all I can think about; everything reminds me of him, and I find myself comparing all other men to him. I don't know what to do. He's plain out and told me that he loves me, and that was only about a month ago. I would give up forever and everything just to be with him.
So, my question is; things happen for a reason, right? Is the reason I've been alone and waiting for him for a year now because he just needed to "play the field", and that he'll eventually come back to me? I guess the real question I'm asking is, that if I feel so much chemistry with him, doesn't it have to be there? Please, I need help :(
I see the problem here. You're not in love with this guy, you're obsessed with him. Real love is about first being happy with yourself. Then finding a person you can share that happiness with, even though that person has bad AND good in them. You find ways to merge your worlds and communicate and share your ups and downs together.
Instead, you are obsessing about him, convinced that he is perfect in all ways. You are miserable without him. You are thrilled when he looks at you. Your world revolves around him and without him you feel alone. That is NOT love.
You really need to get yourself centered. You need to spend time with friends, to take up hobbies, to treat YOURSELF well and be happy ON YOUR OWN. Your boyfriend should NEVER EVER be the sole source of your happiness. That is incredibly unhealthy and a burden no human being should bear. YOU should be the source of your happiness, and then you share that with people you love.
I would spend some time away from him and try to get yourself a different outlook on this situation. If you really can't find ANY happiness on your own then I would talk with a therapist and try to work this through. This is critical for you to get a handle on now, before it really gets to be something that is impossible for you to shake.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com