I'm Waiting for Her, She Keeps Moving On
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I have this ex-girlfriend that I'm still in love with. We've been broke up for almost a year now, but I'm having trouble getting over her. Mainly becuase I don't want to. I think she's made for me, as in saying she the one.
About 2 weeks ago she broke up with a guy that cheated on her, and she was hurt because of this. I knew I should have waited for a little while to make a move so I did. She knows i still love her and that i want to date her, but girls are hard to understand. But I'm pretty sure she loves me still.
About a week ago she would always get close to me physically. And she said she does. But now she's goin out with somebody else. And I'm hurt with the fact that she did, because I was there for her the whole time. I don't want to move on to somebody else, I want to keep trying, but I 'm just lost and confused right now and I don't have a clue on what i need to do. Please help me out.
I know you care about her a lot, but you need to realize that there is NOT just one single person for each of us. Think of all the people who are widowed each year - are you saying they never, ever will find happiness again? Or think about all the parents that have one child - are you saying if they have another child that the second child will be "not as good"?
Human beings are capable of loving MANY people, each in their own special unique way. Yes, you love this girl for her special qualities. But there are OTHER girls out there who are just as special - if not MORE special - in their own ways. One of THE most important ways in which someone is special is the way they mesh with YOU. If you obsess about and adore someone, but they don't want to be with you in return, that isn't a very healthy love. If you try to 'force her' or 'compell her' to be with you, that is incredibly UNhealthy. But out there in the world are many, many girls who, as their natural state, would be THRILLED to be with you and you would be THRILLED to be with them. THOSE are the great matches, where both halves are drawn to each other fully and completely. It really sounds like what she is seeking in life is not what you are.
That's not to say you are "bad" or she is "bad" or anything! But each of us is UNIQUE. It's like you were a fish and she was a bird. She is a great bird! And you are a great fish! And as a fish you can look at her and adore her birdness! But when you two think about BEING TOGETHER, there is a disconnect. She can't live in the water. You can't live in a tree. So you can love each other and enjoy each other, but you want each other to be FULLY HAPPY and that involves you choosing partners that can fully match your normal way of life. If you tried to "pretend to be a bird" she would NOT be happy, and in the end, neither would you. Because as much as you adore her birdness, you want HER to adore you too. And the fact that there was a disconnect would eat at you constantly like water torture.
So love her for what she is. And support her in finding her dreams. But YOU TOO have to be true to yourself and follow your own dreams. And that involves finding someone who loves you for WHAT YOU ARE. Believe me, she is out there. you just have to open your eyes.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com