I Want to Stay Friends, He is Moving On
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I was with my boyfriend for 4 years or so, we broke up about 4 times within that space. The last time we got back together he said it was hard for him to admit but he really did love me and wanted to have everything with me, children and all.
Two weeks later i got annoyed with him and we had an argument and a few days later broke up. The night we broke up he kissed someone else he really liked and after a bit of messing about on both sides they are now going out. It has been quite a few weeks since they started going out properly. I know it's not a rebound thing as he is not like that and he really likes her. He says she is more like his first proper girlfriend and she is more fun to be with then i obviously was.
I had thought that the problem was he could not commit but he really wants it to work with her so i guess i was wrong.
I know he doesn't care for me anymore and that it's all over but i would love him as my friend, i care for him very much, but he says he is uncomfortable with me and this makes me sad. I'm scared that he doesn't really care about our friendship and he will just forget about me.
I realise that it was stupid of me to believe him when he said everything this time, but he was so sure even more sure then me, but now he says it was like a dream and he obviously never really felt it, or something along those lines.
One time when we broke up it was for 7 months, 4 of which we did not see each other at all as i was away and when i came back it was the same as this time. It is always him doing the dumping and getting back togther. I know what the problem is and i had many chances to change it but didn't.
i am happy within myself and my life is good, but i still love him. I know he now loves someone else and i accept that but at the same time i still have this overwhelming feeling of hope inside, yet i know it's completely over, why is this, and does everything he said mean nothing now, even our friendship, he once said we would be friends for life and that i'm really special to him?.
Please give me some advice.
With all of the way you guys were breaking up and getting together it sounds like you had some things in common but it really wasn't a great match. You'd give it a try and it wouldn't work ... but nothing better would come along and you'd give it a try again. It's really probably for the best that you moved on to new lives because that disconnect would always have been there between you two.
It's not that what he said before is meaningless now. But right now he's focusing on his current relationship (as he should) and isn't ready for other things to perhaps cause trouble for it. Give it some time and let him settle into his new relationship and get comfortable. Once he's comfortable with it, you won't seem like a threat any more - you'll seem like an old friend with whom he can share good times without it damaging his relationship with his new girlfriend.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com