Choosing Between Two Guys
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have feelings for two guys, both my ex boyfriends. One i just recently broke up with bc it was impossible to end together (family and other issues) but he loves me so very much. The other one, I broke up with him two years ago and i m really confused about the feelings of this one.
we broke up and i never got to know what had happened. Now we hung out again as friends, he calls me almost every day and always returns my calls. I still have feelings for him ,very strong ones unfortunately. I got drunk this weekend and called him up to tell him that i still have feelings for him after all these years and even though i ignored him for a while and i went out with someone, i m still not able to have some kind of closure, so I needed to know whats going on so he told me that he really likes me more than just friends, that he respects me a lot and loves hanging out with me but he just can't commit now, he still wants to experience more with other girls.
His sister and best friends told me that i should move on, they said that they realy think I deserve someone better. Right now i m not really sure what to believe or what to do, him or them? I have this guy that loves me another one that said likes me more than a friend but cant commit and dont wanna hurt me again but he wants to be my friend, that he really enjoys it a lot. should I ignore him? be his friend and just give him more time or just trying to live with it hoping that those feelings will go away. I m really confused of what i should do with this guy.
One of the most important things to learn in life is that each one of us is unique, that we each have our own life path and choices we make and that we have to ACCEPT those things. We can't pressure others to "fit into our master plan" or be a certain way. We have to accept people the way they ARE and then live our own lives in a way that makes sense long term.
Yes, you love your old-time ex. But he has a different life path than you do. You are ready to make a commitment to a partner. He wants to life the high life and go roaming around with lots of girls. So you can support him and care for him, but you need to do that from a distance. To try to 'wait him out' or change him are both recipes for disaster because now you are altering your life in the hope that "eventually" he will fit in with you. That eventually may never come - and now you've wasted your own life because of your hopes of changing him!
If you really love the other guy, and he loves you, I would find a way to make it work. Family has been a problem since the days of Romeo and Juliet!! But people in love find ways to make it work even though family is a pain in the butt. In the end what matters most is how YOU and HE feel, not how anybody else feels.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com