He's In a More Mature Love
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend of two years is acting really weird!
At first he would come over and visit me almost everyday, buy me gifts and just act like he was "crazy" in love with me. Now he hardly visits or has anything to talk about. He pays attention to others more than he does me and I am feeling really inferior right now! He tells me that he doesn't think he can be a good boyfriend, but he constantly tells me how he adores me and how he "loves" talking to me!
I don't get it. What is going on? He is sending mixed signals and it is driving me creazy! Help me!
You really need to read about the stages of a relationship -
a real love is NOT about a guy being in lust and buying you tons of presents!! That is what COURTSHIP is about when someone is trying to *impress* someone else. That level of high-power attention doesn't last forever, it would burn a person out! Real love is about CARING for each other as a best friend, not about having a fat wallet or buying things. Women who are bought have a name other than "girlfriend".
So now he has matured into a more real, deep form of love - but it sounds like you are still expecting those presents and "proof" of love. So he is worried that he can't be "enough" of a boyfriend that you demand - but he still cares for you too. He has other friends - which is healthy - but it sounds like you want to have the spotlight and get upset when you are more just a quiet, normal part of his life.
If things are therefore stressful between you guys, it's natural that spending time together becomes less fun, so you spend less time, and talk less, and this is exactly how people "drift apart". So you need to take action now to reverse this all.
First understand that relationships NORMALLY mature into being best friends who love each other. Your relationship shouldn't be about gifts! It should be about supporting each other, helping each other reach goals and be happy. Your time together doesn't have to be non-stop action and conversation. A lot of the happiest times couples spend together are just sitting quietly together, looking at the stars or lake or whatever.
So put a fresh start into your relationship. If you want to spend more time with him, then find fun things to do with him and do them! Go out hiking or skiing or rowing in the lake or whatever you guys enjoy doing. Go out to movies, there are a bunch of them coming out right now that are great. Get some books to read together. Find local museums and go explore them. Friends do things together that are fun. You need to find interesting things you want to do and go with him to those places.
If you want more tenderness in the relationship, then add it in. Go out to romantic dinners or cook them for him (or have him cook them for you!) Write him little love notes. Come up with little snuggly rituals that only you two know about. That tender part of a relationship doesn't just happen, it is actively built and maintained by both partners.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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