Choosing Between Two Guys

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Person
I met the first love of my life at work, A. we went out for seven, nearly eight months. but things between us...they weren't sunshine and roses. I loved him with all of my heart (i gave my virginity to him), even up till the day i broke up with him. I felt as though i had to ... he was as moody as a woman on permenant pms. it drove me insane. so i broke up with him ... and quit the job we worked at together.

then a couple of weeks later...probably three...i met B. and..having someone treat me so though i were perfect..someone who didnt make me cry at night befor i feel asleep. was amazing. and i suppose i feel in love with that.(i took his virginity)

we have been together for almost two months now...and he has already told me numerous times he wants to marry me.

how do i express i dont love him as much as he cares for me? do i tell him ... my feelings for A ... are still there. that i cant make them go away becuase i never stopped loving him to begin with. it was fine when i didnt talk or see him. but then we started talking and hanging out and everything flooded over me again.

i dont know what to do. or who to be me. Advice
Life is never easy and choices are never black and white. It is VERY easy to love two or even more different people. Just think about a mother - doesn't a mother love all of her children in very unique ways? To say a mother could "only love the oldest daughter" or "only love the youngest son" would be VERY wrong. In the same manner, every one of us human beings loves different people for different reasons.

Yes, you love A. But he wasn't ready for a relationship. He had huge mood swings and drove you insane. Yes, he's cuddly for short term talking and you can dream about the fun times you had. But as a REAL PARTNER he just isn't right for you. Believe me, people don't change. If you got back with him, you would immediately remember why you broke up with him and he would drive you insane all over again. So you love him, but as a friend, in small doses.

Your current boyfriend, B, is great. But 2 months is *nothing*. People date for 6 months to a year before they really know each other. Sure, he has you on a pedestal right now. But he still doesn't really know you. People who get married in the first month or two rarely last, because they are marrying what they THINK the other person is like and not what they REALLY are like. So just tell him that it's nice that he feels so strongly, but that the REAL test of a relationship comes after being together for months and months. And that you'll see how you BOTH feel in a year.

Love shouldn't just "hit you like a bolt". That sort of love is about a person's looks and face. Hardly things to base a multi-decade relationship on!! Real love grows over time, from a strong friendship into a dedication to each other. So give your love with B time to continue to grow. You guys have an amazing base right now to grow with. You can keep A as a friend, but remember that you already tried with him - and it was a failure. You guys weren't meant to be partners - you were meant to care for each other in a different way.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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