She Disrespects Me

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend/fiance for the past eight years has a wondering eye. In public at home with her sisters boyfriends and just in general. I confront her every time and she'll deny it, or later on confess to it and make up some excuse on why she did it.

I have two handsome boys with her and granted I cheated on her in the past (in the beginning of the relationship but haven't since) and I'm sick and tired of it. She said she'll change but come on IT"S BEEN 8 YEARS!!!!!!

I want to settle down w/ my family but can't because I refuse to be treated like this. After all I've done to try to fix this she still disrespects me. What should I do? Advice
A relationship is definitely all about respect, honesty and trust but it sounds like you were disrespectful to her to start with and probably she never fully got over it. Betraying someone can in essence damage their ability to trust for life unless you make a *serious* effort to change it. A lot of times the person who was cheated on wants to "cheat too" to even things out and that may be the state that she's in. To blame her for being flirty now when you were MORE than flirty in the past seems a bit unfair.

First, flirting is a normal, healthy part of life. It would be one thing if she was actually going out and cheating on you. But if all she's doing is flirting with guys, then that's not necessarily a "bad thing". If you watch a happy couple at a party, they may have a LOT of fun flirting and joking with people all evening! But at the end of the night they go home together, and are content with each other. So it all depends on how much they trust each other and know that flirting is harmless. It sounds like you don't trust her.

I would really talk to a therapist - so the therapist can really help you guys get through the past betrayal and current insecurities that are going on. If you really are hoping to forge a life-long relationship with this woman, a few weeks of a therapist talking to you about the relationship are well worth the effort and could salvage things and make them able to last. If you build on a shaky foundation, you're going to get a building that collapses.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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