Long Distance Cheating
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i had a long distance relationship for a year with a european, we had a great time. meanwhile his friend met a girl on the internet brought her to their country and ended up not getting along at all.
my "boyfriend" took it upon himself to help her by taking her in and then he stopped calling me etc. i warned him this may happen and when it did he ignored me etc...
he claims it is not sexual, they are not together, but he stopped all contact with me. i am obsessing over it and don't know how to move on. he won't take my calls. i feel if i had been there this would not have happened, we got along great and had no fights. he says he made a mistake and is under a lot of stress. what should i do, i'm trying to move on but it's hard.
The problem with a long distance relationship is that it's long distance. The time you have together is fun, but it's not permanent. So if you really haven't had lots of real-time contact, it's extremely hard to hold onto that relationship when something more in-your-face shows up instead.
You were right to warn him not to take her in, but he did. That he did so indicates that he wasn't really that serious after all about you, and wanted something more "real" in his own life. And sure enough, he became fond of her and stopped talking to you, just as you feared.
To worry about what might have happened is sort of moot. All of us do that every day, and you can't turn back time. Life does what it does and you go on. We would all be millionaires and with our soulmate and in our dream location with the perfect family if we could do that. None of us have those things - we all work with what we have. So to dream about what "might have been" isn't really productive. You need to take good care of yourself and focus on what you DO have in life and the dreams you have for yourself.
I have tons of tips on my site about getting over a breakup. Take it slowly and take care of yourself, and you'll get through it and be stronger than you were before.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com