Dating a Co-Worker

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
hi, im really stuck at da moment and have no idea wat 2 do. ive fallen for a guy at work and have tried to hide my feelings and make them go away because i no how complicated it can be to date someone you work wv. my mate told him and we talked about it and he suggested we meet up sometime 2 chat bout it but i just sad say watever u wanna say now.(i really regret it now but i just wanted it outta day way and was scared in a way 2 meet up although now i really wanna) so he did and he told me dat hes waiting for the right woman 2 come along coz he wants 2 marry herand also he said he was saying no 2 me simpply on da basis dat we work together. however he didnt completely say no, he told me he wants 2 get 2 know me more and we can meet up and go out 2gether and he thinks im really attractive ect but im getting mixed signals and dont no wat 2 do. im really falling for him big time and dont no wat to do about it, hes also muslim im not and this also seems to pplay a huge role in us not having a relaitionship. im so stuck because he does make the effort 2 chat 2 me and sometimes i give him the cold shoulder because im trying not 2 get myself 2 involved but i cant help it
please help!! Advice
Well first, it sounds like you have a REALLY good handle on the difficulties of the situation. A lot of people just dive into a work-relationship because it's easy and then are blindsided by the huge problems that it causes. You have your eyes open, and so does he. So that is an incredibly good way to start.

People who are careful about a work relationship actually can find a truly special person in the workplace that they then marry and live happily ever after with. The reason is that you are with this person all day long. It's not like you met them in a bar and only know what they're like at "happy hour". You see them day in and day out, you know what they're like in the grumpy mornings, in the happy evenings, when they're doing well, when they're tired and unhappy. So you get to know all the phases of them and really decide if you and this person are a good match before you have to 'take any steps' like dating. So in a way, if you are aware of the difficulties and take your time, this is a perfect way to have found someone.

I would definitely say to meet. You are already friends, you already talk. That is the important basis for any relationship. So build it out further. Discuss if you are ready to move into the next phase of your relationship. If your company is big enough, one of you can slide into another department so you're not immediately working together. That will make a HUGE difference in how easy this is. You might even want to have one of you look for another job if you're serious. You can always find another job, but you can't always find another person you're well matched with. If you give each other enough distance in the workplace, it will let you get much closer personally, and who knows, you could be just right for each other!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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