Calling at a Respectful Time
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I like someone who is a few years younger than I am, and we have spent a little bit of time together since this past summer. It's not much, but usually once a week. I know that he does not want to be in a relationship, but we have fun together, and I feel completely comfortable around him.
I told him last weekend that I couldn't do this once a week thing anymore, because I deserve and want more. It's always late at night when he calls, or I call, however, sometimes we have sex, and sometimes we don't. He is very touchy feely, holds my hand. I told him he would have to call at a decent hour if he wanted to do something.
Well the guy called at a decent hour that very day, and next week will tell if he sticks to it. He has never been in a relationship, and I don't know why. He's not gay, I do know that. I have feelings for him, but I do not want to change him, and I don't expect him to.
Am I wrong to see him when he calls at a respectful time, or am I giving him way to much credit? I know the answer should be for me to just walk away all-together, and if he comes after, then that's great. However, we are pretty much having fun together, and slowly I find myself caring about him, and that is completely out of character for me to really let myself have feelings for someone.
Its not completly sexual, we talk for hours, and just enjoy each other's company. But, should I stop this before I really invest emotionally ?
I'm sort of fuzzy on the problem here. LOTS of boyfriend-girlfriend couples can only see each other once a week and are quite happy with that. And lots of them call up at night because it's when they're free! I didn't realize there was a "proper" and an "improper" time to call someone. You call them when you want to connect with them, and that's a good time to talk! Why should it matter if he calls early or late? Lots of girls would be happy just to have their guy CALL them in the first place!
If you want a guy that's around more often, then that's fine. Tell him that and see if he's able to do that. But don't start inventing rules about "a REAL boyfriend only calls on Tuesdays to Thursdays between the hours of 8am and 4pm". That's not true at all. A real boyfriend and real girlfriend care about each other, think about each other and are honest with each other. Sometimes that means living together. Sometimes that means living in separate countries and only talking once a week, and only seeing each other once a year!
The "answer" in a relationship is never to abandon the relationship and see if the other person chases you. That's a really, really selfish way to view a relationship. The "answer" in a relationship is for both people to work 100% towards the relationship working, and seeing if it DOES work. If your solution is to just run away, things are not going to work.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com