She's Playing with Me
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Well.. there is this girl who I love more than anything in this world. 1 year ago we were "together" but we broke up without a reason.
Since then I am trying to change things and make her give me another chance. She says that see doesn't like me anymore and that she is not willing to give me a chance. But she also says that I can try if I want cause things may change...
She means so much to me. What can I do? How can I impress her? Show her I am the only-one for her? I don't have any ideas... I feel so exausted... I 've tried so many things... I just have to do something more effective... I need her... I love her... please help me... Tell me what to do...
Repeat after me. NOBODY breaks up for no reason. SOMETHING caused you two to break up. Just because you aren't admitting it to yourself, the reason was there. The very fact that you are trying to "change yourself" to get her back implies that something about the way you are now is something she doesn't like. But if you won't even admit to yourself or to her WHAT the issue is, how can you possibly hope to fix it and get back with her again??
The most important thing in any relationship is honesty, trust and faith. If things got so bad between you two that you broke up without even talking about it, it seems that these things were incredibly lacking!! A relationship is all about two people who accept themselves for WHO THEY ARE and are happy. If you are actively altering yourself to "make her happy" it is NOT going to work. Because what someone looks for in a partner changes from week to week, month to month. You simply cannot keep changing to keep up with her, because she is NEVER going to be happy. She is ALWAYS going to want something else.
That is the whole beauty of a REAL, loving relationship. It is between two people who love each other NO MATTER WHAT they look like at the moment, or what age they are, or how rich they are or other silly things like that. Let's say you fall in love with this girl because she's 20 years old. What are you going to do when she turns 22, dump her and go look for another 20 year old? The point is to love someone the way they ARE even though they and you keep changing.
The only way you are going to make things work with this girl is to TALK to her about just why you guys broke up before, and really discuss the issues and find solutions. That is the way any relationship works. You need to both accept each other as human beings, with good and bad parts, the way you are now. For her to start making you guess what her current "shape for you to contort into" is cruel, and once you contort into that shape, I really bet she just chooses a new shape. That's not what love is about.
How to talk:
that is the MOST important thing you can possibly do. Talk about what was wrong and talk about solutions TOGETHER.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com