I Lust After Another Girl
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hey there. I have been with my girlfriend for about 18 months. I am deeply in love with her and i want to be with her. The thing is i was at university last week and i found myself very SEXUALLY attracted to this girl. Note that i have only said sexually attracted. Me and my girl havent had sex in close to three months because she has involuntary muscle spasem of her pelvic floor muscles called vaginismus. It is treatable through muscle exercises but my girl does not take is seriously because she doesnt keep it up. We dont even have oral sex anymore.
I love her to death but i cant stop thinking about this other girl sexually. I wouldn't cheat but then i thought i would never have these thoughts about another girl.
I feel really bad for feeling this, i actually feel like i have cheated. What can i do?
First off, it's normal to be lusting after other people. Heck, look at all the dirty magazines, movies, R-rated movies, Victoria's Secret tv specials, etc. out there. The world is full of sexy people.
It is normal to have a world full of temptation, and how we choose to HANDLE that temptation is what defines us as people. So the fact that you realize this is a temptation and are avoiding it is great. If you were a saint in a world with only men, that's not being much of a saint.
As far as your girlfriend goes, many couples have disconnects in their sexual desire. This happens in people from age 20 to 80. One person wants a lot, another person only wants a little. If your girlfriend wanted sex she'd work on her exercises. But apparently she doesn't. I would definitely not push her on it ... but I would also show her that you do want some affection here. There are MANY ways to be happy in a relationship that don't involve actual penetration. Find other ways to bring each other pleasure and she might get more interested.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com