How Long should I Wait to Lose My Virginity?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
me and my boyfriend have been going out for 9 months is that too soon to be intimate with him? Advice
A lot of this has to do with how old you are and how seriously you have been dating. For a woman in her 30s, a lot of times she will sleep with him within a month and be quite happy. But for a 13 year old, even a year or two is too short because of a huge number of factors.

But let's say you're 16 or older, which is the average age that people tend to lose their virginity, and that you've been dating him exclusively for 9 months and seeing him regularly. And let's say that the relationship is stable, that he is NOT pressuring you, that you're already doing the kissing and groping and other things that you tend to do after 9 months together, and that YOU are interested in "being with him completely" and in doing "the act".

This may be hard to fully think about, I know it was when I was 16, but really, losing your virginity is something you remember for the rest of your life. You remember who you were with, where you were, what it was like and how you felt afterwards. It's one of the only things in a woman's life that is that "long lasting". You do NOT want that thought tainted at all with any "he made me" kinds of feelings. Five years from now you probably won't care any more if he felt badly or didn't feel badly because you said no ... but you WILL care how it made you feel if you say yes when you felt hesitant. So be really, REALLY sure that you do want to do this. It's your body and things you do to it (especially THIS thing) have a huge effect on how you feel about yourself.

OK. So let's say that he's a great boyfriend, says it's up to you, and you say "Yes, I am ready". So now let's assume that you've already done the hand- and mouth- versions of sexual things. If not, definitely start there. You can get a lot of pleasure from those two things and you can find out if it seems that you two are well matched. You can learn what pleases each other. You can find places that you feel comfortable in, that you won't be disturbed in, are comfortable with each other naked and so on. In essence you're making sure that everything else is OK and that the only 'new thing' will be the actual penetration.

Then yes in those situations, if you're over 16 and *use a condom* and you've made the decision, I would think you had that choice to. For more information on the actual act, I leave that to our sister site -

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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