College Separation

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have both recently moved away from each other to go to seperate universitites - we always had good and bad patches during our 2 year relationship but now it feels like being away and only seeing each other every other weekend is really taking its toll. Also, he keeps changing his mind about things and dissapointing me - I never know what to expect from him, it seems like there is no kind of commitment or future for us now. I'm worried he will stop loving me.

I just dont understand him any more but I love him so much and I want to think he loves me just as much. Advice
I know it might not help TOO much but what you are going through is completely normal. Just about every couple that graduates high school together has dreams of it lasting. And then the reality of just how incredibly tough a long distance romance is sets in and puts a great strain on the relationship. Plus people change a HUGE amount in college, when they are finally free from parents and "young life" friends and able to choose their own path in life. So someone who was 100% perfect for you in high school may simply not be perfect for you any more when he "evolves" into his more mature self.

I have advice on long distance relationships here -

it takes a LOT of work, time and commitment from both people. He probably loves you a great deal! But with everything else going on in his life he just may not have the time and energy to commit to keeping the relationship going. It's easy to stay in love when it's a "couch potato" job of just hugging after school. it's much harder to stay in love when it enters the real world and actually takes effort and work.

So you can put your best foot forward and try to keep things going, but you need to stay realistic and realize that things may just drift apart. And that it doesn't mean that you were bad or he was bad ... it just is a circumstance of life, and the distance was too great to keep things going. If that's the case, give yourself time to mourn the loss and feel sad about it ... but keep an open mind. Hardly anybody stays with their high school love. High school is about learning what you like, what you don't like, and what makes you happy. But the people you meet in college are about what you, as a mature adult, want to spend your entire life with.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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