I'm Cheating - What Should I Do?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I uprooted my girlfriend from her friends and family and moved her here to florida with me, because I loved her. Now I find that I have fallen in love with someone else here in florida. My girlfriend is getting supicious of my behavior. I don't have the heart to tell her. But I am deeply in love with this other woman.
I want to break it off with my girlfriend to see if this woman is the one for me but I am afraid it would mess things up for me and my girlfriend in the long run what do I do . I never expected for this to happen. We have been dating for 3 years. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Now I am not so sure.
I've been married and divorced and have kids. I am afraid of getting my heart broken. I believe that is why I am doing this. I've lost control of my life when I was married and now I feel like have control in my life by having two woman. Deep inside I know this is wrong. I want to be a good man for my girlfriend. I really do.
It's good at least that you have been thinking about the situation and what could have caused it, and what is going on. It really seems that you're wanting to make sure you don't get hurt and like you said by having 2 women around you always have a 'safety net'. But of course a woman deserves a man that is honest, loyal and trustworthy. You are not being that to either woman. So neither woman is getting what she deserves out of this. Both deserve to have a truthful 100% guy in their life. So you have to choose.
I have info on the stages a relationship goes through here -
and I really think that what has happened is that your relationship with girl #1 got 'quiet and mature' and you were then looking for the fun excitement again (plus a safety net) and therefore hooked up with #2. Obviously #2 wasn't perfect either because you didn't just dump #1 and go running off. So you're in a spot where #2 SEEMS more fun and exciting (obviously, because she's new and in the early stages of the relationship) and #1 seems just quite and normal.
I really would advise you to call it off with #2. EVERY SINGLE new girl you run into is going to seem exciting! That is what temptation is all about. If you ditch #1 for #2, then what happens when #3 comes along, and #4 and #5? You can't just go jumping from girl to girl and moving along because someone else seems "cool". Life is about making a decision, sticking with your responsibility and honoring your commitments. You need to MAKE IT OR BREAK IT with the girl you are WITH. Period. If you really give it 100% of your effort and you can't be happy, then you call it quits with her and you both know you did your best. THEN you start looking for someone new. But the moment you "leave one" for "another fun girl" you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of pogo-sticking that is going to leave you alone and miserable.
Once you are with just #1 and her alone, then really give it your full, best shot. If something is bothering you, TELL HER. If you really can't resolve it, GO TO A THERAPIST TOGETHER. You need to really work on this. And make sure she knows you are! Together you CAN be really happy together. But if you ignore problems and run off when things get tough, you will just keep doing that forever, and that's the sure path to a very unhappy ending.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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User Submitted Response from a 41-50 year old Female