She's Not Worth It

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
me and my girlfriend had a killer argument. i told her that i felt like she didnt appreciate me and was using me. she told me if thats how i feel, dont come see her anymore. i told her fine, get away from me. then we didnt speak for a day. today, i get an email from her. she said every mean think i can think of. she hurt my feelings like they have never been hurt before.

what should i do? Advice
Having a disagreement with a partner is normal. But berating them and calling them names is NOT normal - that is verbal abuse. You should always respect your partner and care about them even if you are discussing something hard. Believe me there are MUCH harder fights you will have in your life!! So the fact that she couldn't have even this *relatively minor* fight without becoming abusive is a really, really bad sign.

You told her you don't feel appreciated. That's a pretty common complaint!! Her answer is to tell you to "get lost"??? And then to beat on you the next day too? That doesn't sound like a very mature way to deal with conflict to me. It sounds like she is enjoying the ranting and thinks this is a normal way to live a life. Which it is NOT.

I would give it at least a week or two before you try to contact her again. Let yourself have time to handle life without her. If you really and truly feel that maybe she can grow and learn, then try talking to her again and say that when you guys have an issue you will NOT be abusive or personally attack in that situation. If she can't do that, then you really deserve someone better in your life.

Sure, MTV loves to show violent arguments. But in the REAL world, the relationships that last are the ones that involve people who talk together - NOT people who get pleasure out of harming each other.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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