My Ex has Turned his Back
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend broke up w/ me over email after us going out for 5 months. About a month before we broke up I had gone to college which is about an hour and a half away from my hometown and where he still goes to high school. he said the distance was too much and he didn't realize it would be this difficult, that it was stressful on him, and that he wanted us to be friends (he said our relationship had started to deteriorate ever since I left and that eventually we both would have gotten upset at eachother and it would have ended badly).
There are a few factors that enter into this though: he is in a lot of school/other activites. He has musical every week night except wednesdays. However, musical ends the second wknd in nov. Also, he had auditions for band which are very stressful, and something every weekend. It is just a very stressful time of year for anyone in those activites (I know b/c I used to be in all of them). Before we broke up while I was at college we saw each other every weekend and emailed frequently.
He said he talked to a friend (a biased one who doesn't believe in relationships while in high school and who has had bad past experiences w/ his friends breaking friendships for girlfriends) and his friend said it was time we call it quits. So the next night he emailed me and said he thought it was best if we split. He also wrote he thought we could be really good friends if I wanted and that he wasn't just saying that for something good to say. He also apologized for not calling or breaking up in person, but "hearing me cry might hinder his decision" and also that watching or hearing me would have killed him.
Also, not even a week after we broke up, he blocked me on MSN. I emailed him about 2 weeks after our breakup asking if he still wanted to be friends. He said yes and that he was sorry he wasn't good at this type of thing and that it wouldn't stay this way. I left him alone but he still didn't unblock me, and he in fact blocked one of my close friends on MSN as well.
So I emailed him again (a little less than a month after the breakup) and asked why he blocked me. He has not resonded. I know everyone is saying to give this up, but I believe he and I can do this relationship. I feel like he gave up early on when it was the toughest time (I mean..getting used to being apart and plus w/ all his stress..).
I really want him back and think we are good for each other (even one of my friends that has the hots for him said that..she's mutual friends w/ both of us). I want to talk, but don't want to push him away. And if there's no chance we can get together, I want us to at least be friends. I don't know what to do. any help would be greatly appreciated.
I know you really like this guy, but let's look at things objectively here.
First off, you guys were fine but as soon as you were "out of the building" he decides he wants to break up with you.
Next, he doesn't even take responsibility for his actions and blames a friend of his. So now he's so mindless that a friend can push him into breaking up with his girlfriend.
Third, he breaks up in the slimiest fashion possible!! He claims that he didn't bother to do it face to face, like a mature human being, because it would be "too hard". So wait, he was mature enough to date you and be your boyfriend, but when it came to the real test, he decided to save his own skin and not bother to give you the respect you deserved?
Not only that, but fourthly, he blocks your MSN. It's not like you were harassing him or anything! He blocks you because he doesn't want to HEAR FROM YOU at all. Because now he's "FREEEEEEEE" and anything remotely resembling contact from you will remind him of just how slimy and selfish he's been up until now.
And then to top it all off, now he's avoiding email responses too!
Yes you miss him. Give yourself time to get over him, read my tips on breaking up -
after a few months, when you find a guy that's great for you in college, you will look back on this ex and be happy you got clear of him when you did. Obviously the guy is barely mature enough to BE on a date, never mind to handle anything more serious!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com