Boyfriend Of a Month
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I had been going out with my boyfriend for a little over a month. He was (and is) someone incredibly special to me and I really love him. But recently I found out that the guy who I had a crush on for over a year liked me the entire time, and wanted me to come back and see him. He told me that whatever we did, that my boyfriend wouldn't know. I knew that I couldn't live with the guilt if I cheated on him. But I talked it over with my boyfriend and he told me that if I did cheat on him, that he wanted me to be happy and if that's what it took then I should go for it. I had already decided not to, but he told me that if I did, he didn't want to know about it, and if he found out it would make him uncomfortable, but no more than that.
So I went to visit this old flame of mine (who happens to be my best friend's brother) with no intention of doing anything with him, just hanging out with him and his sister and having a good time. Well, this guy and I had a great time together because we hadn't seen each other in a long time, and before the night was over, we kissed. I felt horrible about the whole thing, and didn't tell anyone about it, escpecially my boyfriend.
Somehow, he had a hunch that something had happened, and asked me to swear on our relationship and my feelings for him that nothing happened. And of course, I couldn't lie.
Now he is absolutely heartbroken, and says he can't be with anyone he can't trust. I don't blame him for breaking up with me and I feel horrible for hurting the man that I love, but I still want to be with him more than anything in the world. He says we need to be friends and wait and see what happens, but I need to know what he wants from me.
I've asked him what to do and all he says is wait and see. I feel awkward when we talk on the phone, but I do it anyways because I don't want to lose my chance with him forever. He makes me so happy and to lose him forever would crush me. I have told him all of this and I know that he is hurting but he says that he has given up on love...how can I prove to him that I still love him and remain his friend? How can I get back with the man who loves me and who I love more than my own life?
I know you feel you really love this guy, but it had only been a month so you guys were still barely in the 'new love throes of passion'. During that time, he TOLD you it was OK to do things with your old flame. So you went and ALL you did was kiss him which is about the mildest form of cheating there is. And you were HONEST and told your boyfriend ... and he had a fit???
Look he TOLD you it was OK. Either he takes responsibility for his actions and words or he doesn't. For him to now harass you about it is very immature and childish. If he wasn't capable of handling the situation he should have been honest about it. To treat you to these double standards is entirely unfair.
If there is ANYONE whose trust was betrayed here, it was you, because you were told one thing and then the actions were different. In comparison YOU were completely honest and took responsibility for what you did. He's the one that has to do some growing up here.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com