Choosing Between Loves

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Ok I have a problem. I have been dating this same guy for a while now and we are like perfect. Well about a year ago i used to be in "love" with this other guy but he was dating my friend so i didnt really tell anyone. Now that i have gotten into a serious relationship he breaks up with his girlfriend and confesses his love to me! what do i do? Advice
Love is about being with someone for months and months, knowing them inside and out and really being a team. So while you might THINK you could love this other guy, you don't know for sure yet. Love is about being with someone for a long time and building that trust and respect and connection for each other.

Hopefully you really don't think your current boyfriend is "perfect". NO relationship is perfect - every relationship involves good and bad, involves knowing your partner's flaws and ACCEPTING them as part of what makes him unique. If you are still idealizing him as the Gold Standard then it means you really haven't gotten to know him well and are projecting your fantasy dreams over his reality.

In any case, life is always full of temptation. There are always other guys that are more handsome or more rich or more strong or whatever you wish to choose compared with your current guy. Are you just going to jump ship every time a new guy comes along? The reality of life is that you make a choice and you stand by it. And when you encounter temptation you accept that it exists and then you choose to resist it.

Sure you LIKE that other guy. You can be friends with him! But you have chosen to DATE your boyfriend and you have a responsibility to make things work with him. Being mature enough to date means being mature enough to say to other guys, "Sorry, I'm taken."

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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