Our Secret Love
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Ok, so i completely and totally fell in love with a girl. Within the first time we actually went on a date... i'd liked her before that too, and now we are both in love.
Sounds right.. right? But, there's a problem, im a girl. And.. well she's a girl. And, yeah... we can't let people know because we are both from a religion that doesn't allow it.. now my mom kinda knows and doesn't seem to care, but her mom is freaked about 'rumors' that we are together.
We always fight and argue about things, and its usually because of our -not exactly being able to tell people- thing we have going on. But we always get over it, because we love eachother sooo much.
Another problem is that im 15... and she's 18... You can't choose who your going to fall in love with, and we do love eachother. More than anything... so its pretty secret for obvious reasons...
Please give some advice...How can we make it easier?
OK first, just so you're clear on this, she is an adult and you are a minor. Legally she could be put into jail for taking advantage of you and corrupting you. That is something you should consider if you have parents involved here who are upset with this relationship.
You might really want to consider being friends until you turn 18 too. If you guys are good together, you will be together for DECADES. That is a hugely long period of time. Getting your foundation set for a few years could be INCREDIBLY important to that. Especially if you are already fighting all the time. Fighting all the time is NOT healthy for any relationship and can easily cause you guys to self destruct before you last a year.
Falling in love is about really knowing someone for months, knowing their bad and good parts, knowing them inside and out. It is NEVER something you can feel in the first date. What you feel on the first date is that rush of lust and hormones that helps to glue new lovers together, the rosy-colored glasses that convinces them things are perfect. So you have to work on your relationship and get through this arguing stuff and get down to the REAL friendship and acceptance and seeing-of-faults and understanding-of-faults that a love has at its base.
If you guys show your parents that this is about true friendship and understanding, that you are not rushing, that you are considering this seriously and taking your time, I think they'll understand. But if your relationship is about diving into "we are in love!" after one date, about lying and hiding things, and about rushing things instead of waiting, then they will rightfully be concerned. You have to prove them you guys are being mature, patient, and looking at the big picture.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com