He Kisses Differently than I Do
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I am divorced in my early 40s and recently met a man my own age. He is a lovely person, romantic, and thoughful and a wonderful lover. Only problem is he has told me he finds my kisses overwhelming. He prefers to kiss practically closed-mouthed, which i find quite nice as a precursor but then i get to urge to kiss more intensely (obviously) and he just stops. I find it extremely frustrating.
Because he is fairly inexperienced, he was in a loveless marriage for a long time, he says he is not used to my kind of intensity but likes kissing me 'his way'.
I am a very passionate person and have dated a lot of men in my time who always told me what a great kisser I am and were delighted i enjoyed kissing so much. This is the first time this has happend and I'm not sure how to handle it. I am not an agressive person in bed and his slow and gentle approach is fine with me otherwise.
I know he has feelings for me and he wants to puruse a relationship, and so do i, but I'm not sure it will work as i feel i am compromising on who i am and the way i express myself.
On one hand, we all grow and change in our sexual styles over the years. People who were wild and rambunctious in their youth might turn into snuggle-muffins as they get older. If he was really tame until now, he might feel intimidated and out of his league that you're so passionate. He might need time to get used to the idea, just like young teenagers often take a lot of time to get used to each other before they go any further.
I would give him the time to get used to things, and let him warm up. Introduce the kissing slowly, maybe during passionate parts of lovemaking when he's feeling a bit uninhibited. Try doing inhibition-breaking games like feeding each other foods blindfolded or other such things. I think once he gets to trust you and loosen up a bit it won't be a problem.
But in the end we are each individuals with our own levels of sexuality. He might just not be a big kisser. Some people aren't. You'll have to figure out if your desire to kiss is greater than your desire to be with him.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com