Which Guy do I Choose?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i have been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half now. i love him dearly and he has the purest heart in the world.
However, lately i have found myself missing my ex (we dated for 4 years) terribly. i cherish the honesty and tenderness that i have in my current relationship, but i feel like it lacks the fun, adventurousness, and shared interests of my former relationship. i broke up with my ex because i felt that after 4 years, and being only 22, that i wanted some time and space for myself. However, during that time i moved and, after a year of freedom, that is when i started dating my current beau (whom i also grew up with).
i sometimes feel like i didn't really allow my previous relationship the chance to come full circle. i am still in friendly contact with my ex and know that he still cares for me, but i feel so guilty for having these indecisive feelings while i am in a serious relationship. i have talked to my boyfriend about my feelings but he thinks they have subsided. They haven't and i don't know what to do!
I have to say if the decision is between "fun and adventureous" and "love, honesty and caring" that the second is going to win out in the end any day. It's easy to look back on a relationship and remember the good parts. But obviously you guys broke up for a reason. It didn't just happen. Whatever was wrong IS still wrong and if you got back with your ex the exact same thing would happen again. It's just hard to remember the bad parts when you dream about "what might have been".
It's very common to love more than one guy, each for his own special traits. And in fact when you're in a relationship there will always be guys that come along and tempt you because they're handsome or rich or funny or whatever it is you value in a guy. But the whole point of being in a relationship is that you make a commitment to who you're with and work on that relationship, despite those temptations. To say "no temptations exist! I see value in no other guy!" would be naive. But to say "Despite the temptations I remain with the guy I love" is a real love.
Read up on the stages love goes through -
all loves mature into something long lasting - and honesty and caring is what gets you there. You can always add fun into any relationship! You can always add in adventure. But that base level of trust, respect and communication is key. It sounds like you have that with your current guy. So work to include fun and adventure in what you have, and really try to make it work. If in the end it's simply not making you happy, then you tried your best. But you should NEVER drop one guy for another because "the other looks better". If you start doing that, you're never going to be happy with *any* guy.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com